he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
