My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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