Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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