I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize