and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I want to make a zoo with you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
