The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
