Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
