All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
