it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All the doctor said was why
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
