my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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