He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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