So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
