that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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