Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
