You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
