he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
