Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
