U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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