either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
