Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
