I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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