I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
