I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize