I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
