I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
