so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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