New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize