i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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