The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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