He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
