Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
