just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
