Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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