Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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