i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i think i just lost a toe
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
