Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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