we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dignity is for republicans.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
