Ambien. No doubt about it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
