She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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