How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
