Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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