Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
