if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love you.
Bad choice
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
