never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
