The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
