so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
