omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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