He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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