I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is wine microwaveable?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
