now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
