I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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