if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize