Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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