I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
