Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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