she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize