forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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