I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
