I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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