Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
