Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Farmville is her only friend.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
