She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
