can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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