Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
